backpacking

Seemingly Insignificant 

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I find myself feeling restless again. The urge to move. Get out. Runaway. It’s what I always do when I get bored. It’s like I have this inability to settle, or maybe it’s just this fear of complacency. I don’t know, but I drive myself mad. Because there has to be something I’m missing, right? (Cue FOMO)

You see, I get this deep longing and homesickness for Asia. There I was always on the move. Deep relationships were formed in 2 hours, and well, goodbyes, albeit still difficult were a little easier to cope with because I would probably become best friends with the next person that walked into the cafe wearing hippie pants. 

It’s like summer camp- where you’re learning all these universal lessons on self-love and understanding among everyone else wanting to learn the same and you’re all having fun along the way. And it’s easy to maintain this hippie mentality when you’re surrounded by it. I mean, you’re basically sitting in a circle singing kumbaya and wigging out on some kind of mind trip everyday. Let’s face it; it’s not that hard. 

But then you get back into the “real” world- the wild wild West if you will, and suddenly it’s not that easy anymore. People side glance the feather in your hair and scoff every time you mention universal love. You have to throw up peace signs anytime you say something too hippie dippy just to show people you’re very aware you sound straight out of Woodstock. 

You’re not in summer camp anymore, and it’s time to put everything you learned into practice. How long before you slip back into old habits? The fear. The anxiety. The depression. Oh, but you promise yourself you’re not going down without a fight. You’re stronger than that. You didn’t shit in holes for nothing. 

So where is this anxiety coming from? That you’re not seeing famous landmarks every week? That you’re starting to acquire more than a backpack’s worth of stuff? That you haven’t gotten a new passport stamp in awhile? Nah. 

You just think there’s something “more” that you’re missing. Isn’t that what it all boils down to? That you’re not doing anything beyond yourself? That you’re not enjoying your right now. That your life should be more than this. But here’s the thing. It doesn’t have to be. Because when I look back at my times of traveling it was less about the sites I saw and the “crazy” things I did but more about the people I shared it with. 

It’s about these seemingly insignificant moments- these moments make up our lives. They happen anywhere and everywhere, and they happen right now. In India… In Melbourne… In Atlanta… Everywhere. And these moments… They’re all we’ve got. 

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The Glamorous Life of Backpacking 

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I think people like to romanticize the idea of backpacking. And to a degree, it’s very romantic. It’s a journey. But that journey is by no means glamorous. And some moments just plain suck. But I still think it’s worth it.
So what’s backpacking really all about? 

It’s about vomiting off of a moving bus in the middle of the night. 

It’s about choosing what to wear by deciding what smells the least disgusting. 

It’s about sometimes feeling lonely even though you’re in a country with a population of 1 billion.   

 
It’s about getting lost. 

It’s about getting lost on the way back to your guest house even though you didn’t veer off course and literally stayed on the same road the whole time… At least you thought you did. 

It’s about getting lost AGAIN. 

It’s about never being 100% certain that you’re actually going to make it to where you intend on going.  

It’s about somehow always making it to where you intend to go though. 

It’s about shitting 3 times a day in a squatter toilet because your stomach hasn’t adjusted to the food. 

It’s about your squat form improving because of said squatter toilets. 

It’s about crying on public transportation. 

It’s about a lot of sweating. 

It’s about wanting to push over every motor bike that honks at you to get out of the way. (No! You get out of MY way!) 

It’s about getting one too many “foreigner taxes.” 

It’s about bargaining the hell out of a rickshaw driver just to make it 3 kilometers. 

It’s about your yoga instructor insisting you do a head stand even though you don’t think you can (you can! well, sort of…) 

It’s about REAL hot yoga.

It’s about meeting some awesome people who really lift you up when you most need it. 

   

It’s about changing your plans to travel with awesome people. 

It’s about fitting 3 people on a motor bike only to have it break down. 

 
It’s about knowing when to go your own way. 

It’s about realizing that everything you really need in life can fit on your back. 

It’s about reaching your breaking point and realizing you still have a lot left in you. 

It’s about realizing you are fully capable even when you don’t think you are. 

It’s challenging and incredibly empowering, and I still have a long way to go. 

Peace & Love, 

Kathleen 

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